Allow me to talk to you for a moment about pocketknives because I bet many of you do not carry one, and you’re missing out. I have had one on my person for the past 15 years.
First of all, I like it because when you carry a pocket knife, no one can accuse you of being completely useless. You feel, if nothing else, like you’re worth the space and oxygen you’re taking up. (Side note: If you do feel completely useless, I would also, along with a pocketknife, recommend therapy.)
Second of all, imagine yourself being a constant hero in people’s lives as they struggle to open their latest Amazon package. “Here, I got it,” you say, and nonchalantly flip open the blade. The click of the lock silences the room as onlookers begin filming you for their next viral TikTok video.
Third and finally, you’ll never be that person clawing at packaging tape and turning a perfectly good cardboard box into 17 pieces.
The pocketknife that I most recommend, because it will remind you of something your grandfather owned, is this Buck pocketknife. The second one I recommend is this Swiss Army pocketknife because it’s inexpensive and won’t make you cry when they confiscate it at airport security because you forgot to leave it at home.