DAD

I’m going to be a dad.

I wet myself about twice a day from being excited and absolutely terrified. It’s funny how NOT unique of an experience this is, and it’s funny how many seemingly unready people have kids, and it’s funny that everything kind of works out, despite the fact that some of us have never changed a diaper in our lives up to this point.

I’ve been thinking about the incredible odds all of us living and who have ever lived overcame to make it here. I’ve been doing some reading. It’s mind-blowing.

Let’s do some basic biology and math (Warning: you might think this is inappropriate to write about.) : On average, there are five hundred million sperm in one “shot,” so to speak. It only takes one sperm, right? So, just in that one swim team you were a part of — the odds of you being born were one in half a billion. Good job, there, Michael Phelps.

That, however, is hardly a number compared to the number you would come up with if you added all the instances. Because there were other “acts” in which your could-have-been siblings didn’t make it. And then we have to consider the odds against your parents, and their parents and so on, then factor them into the equation. We’re just tapping the surface.

There isn’t a number big enough.

People throw around the saying, You’re one in a million. But it’d be more accurate to say, You’re one in a googolplex multiplied by a googolplex. Or, you’re one in Graham’s Number, a number considered to be so big that there isn’t enough space in the universe to write it down, assuming each number takes up at least a little space.

It’s hard to call anyone on earth a loser. We’ve all made it, for whatever reason. It’s pretty precious, you know?

Life.